Things that go bump in the night again

On every trip there always seems one person that everything seems to happen to, every piece of bad luck that is possible seems to be attracted to this person, like iron filings to a magnet. It is not a pleasant position to be in as I well  know to my own cost after an ill fated journey to Arnhem in Holland, but that's another story for another time.
You may recall one of my dinning partners had an issue with an ear infection and blood on his pillow, we'll the flying fickle finger of fate has singled him out again to be the recipient of her cruel humour. Whilst in the land of nod he was convinced he could hear the sound of the sea breaking against the rocks, banging against rocks, so real was his dream that he woke up with a start he decided to get up. The minute he put his feet over the side of his bed he was aware of a wet sensation and water or something ankle deep and lights suddenly coming on and people in his room, being without his hearing aid he was just a bit disorientated to say the least,not sure if was a dream or real, had we struck a rock and sinking, Costa Concordia style? It certainly was real, he was ushered back on to his bed well several maintenance crew members dashed to his bathroom to turn the water off. During the early hours of the morning the toilet system in four cabins had backed up and started to flow profusely into the bathroom and out into the bedroom to a depth of three inches, remember this is not clean water direct from the mains. He sat like a Sheikh in the middle of his bed as everything swung into action, the first thing after the excess water was got rid of, was the old carpet was ripped up a space heater run for ten minutes, hoovered through a new carpet laid down, everything cleaned and tidied, the two odd items of clothes that had been caught in the deluge taken away and put into the ships laundry, they apologised for any inconvenience, turned off the lights and wished him goodnight. Surreal or what?

Doctor, Doctor.

Today we arrived in Grenada, which means only one more port of call (Barbados) then we start the journey back across the Atlantic via Horta in the Azores. In two previous attempts I have not made it into Horta because it is a tender transfer and the weather has been too rough to launch the tender boats, third time lucky!
Our Indian brethren are a little bit down today after losing the world 20/20 final to Sri Lanka, one diner suggested that our waiter cheer up, it's only a cricket match it's not life and death, the waiter came back with a classic " No it's more important than that" silence was the reply. Yesterday in Dominica being Sunday all the shops were shut, so the only option was to adjourn to a bar and sample the local beer at $2 a bottle, after 6 I decided it was quite nice and had some great conversations with two ladies from Abergavenny also two gentlemen from Rochdale and a guy from Dominica who's laugh was so thick and deep, if treacle had a noise that would be it, all in all a great way to spend a Sunday lunchtime. The Welsh ladies offered their opinions on various acts that have been performing on board, the latest comedian was "Rubbish" we have heard better at the Working Men's Club, the male singer was very good, looking forward to seeing him again, mind you not as good as Tom Jones, see. A tough audience indeed. Apparently the sick bay have been relatively busy from trips and falls as a result of the rough Atlantic passage, one of my dinning companions tripped and cut her leg on the side of the bed on the first evening, it was serious enough to warrant 12 stitches on the lower leg and a course of anti-biotics and having it checked every two days, the lady who is in a wheelchair cannot speak highly enough of the treatment she has received. The running total for her treatment so far is £800 and rising, just shows the importance of travel insurance. Another gentleman at our table who wears hearing aids woke up one morning to find his pillow covered in blood, his hearing aid had caused an infection in his ear which had burst causing the blood, after treatment at the medical centre they stopped the bleeding, but he has been unable to wear his hearing oaid, and he may have to go to the local hospital in Barbados and have the offending blood vessel cauterised. We have been taking the Mickey with fake sign language and offering to buy a hearing trumpet ashore, which he joins in with. Our table is now known as "Emergency Ward 10" and after dessert we now have Doctors Rounds instead of coffee.

The British are Coming

The dinning table is starting to relax a bit and there is more laughter, it has not jelled like previous cruises yet. One incident has really broken the ice more than any other, someone said they had seen a sign up for a meeting on board for "The Friends of Dorothy" which is code for a meeting of Gay people. After some discussion one of the Welsh Ladies pronounced she had nothing against Gay people as long as they didn't ram it down your throat, we'll guess who just erupted into an uncontrollable mess with tears running down the face others were laughing out loud and the Lady suddenly realised what she had said in all innocence and went into convulsions in the chair next to me the whole dinning room was staring at us some with humour and a few with snooty looks. Still it worked in breaking the ice, I don't think there will be any changing of addresses but at least meal times are more fun due to one slip of the tongue(forgive the pun).
Arrived in Antigua this morning (Friday) weather really nice about 30c we are having a longer port stay than usual not leaving until 10pm, stepped foot ashore got half way up the Main Street and the heavens opened with torrential rain, I had to find the nearest shelter which just happened to be a bar that was showing India v South Africa in the World 20/20 cricket semi final, the crew of Oriana are mostly Indian and were in the bar supporting their team with much gusto and loads of banter with the locals where cricket is a religion great fun and great to see people who make our cruise so much fun having a great time themselves. Rain has stopped time for some serious people watching, no pith helmet yet, but have seen a captains hat with so much gold braid on it that it might of been designed by Boy George, an oversize (three times over) Australian flat sided bush hat, a Tam o Shanter with ginger hair sticking out from the sides Jimmy and a dozen or so Rasta Hats complete with Dreds, the British are in Port.

Ebony and Ivory

Now the weather is changing for better, the fight for sun worshipping spots has begun along with the vast range of fashion statements that accompany that hobby. By contrast now the sun is high in the sky there is also a scrabble for comfortable areas of shade, you must decide if you are "Ebony or Ivory". At the blunt of the ship (technical nautical term) there is a series of ascending decks that the sun loungers are arranged on if you go to the top deck and look down towards the pool, it's like staring at a surreal tin of sardines. As the heat rises several ladies rise together to go and rehydrate, for modesty they put on diafonous robes made of chiffon and as the wind catches them it looks like an early morning mist off the Yorkshire Moors. At breakfast in the Conservatory this morning over my croissant I was taken with the range of gentleman's shorts were on display from so short and tight you would have to sing soprano, Lycra's that would not be out of place on the Tour de France, M&S finest tailored shorts and last but not least those as worn by Lofty on It ain't half hot Mum, almost as big as the person wearing them, big enough to have a folding bicycle in the pocket and bell tent in the other pocket and they are fitted out with guttering in case of rain. They should be listed as National Monuments. In many cases these sartorial statements of elegance are enhanced by devastating foot apparel, knee length black socks with trainers, argyle socks with open toe sandals and my own personal favourites so far, white tennis socks with a pair of zip up Chelsea boots. We are still two days from Antigua I am hoping that when we hit land that I might spot a Pith Helmet.

Azores behind

We have left the Azores and are off again it is still pretty rough and 4 days until Antigua it's like watching the "Ministry of Silly Walks" & beginners Rumba lessons rolled into one, my self included. The funniest crowd participation game is to be in a lift and when it gets to your floor the door opens the ship lurches and everyone goes out at a 100 miles an hour like extras in the parachute drop over Arnhem in a Bridge too Far, woe betide anyone waiting to get on the lift they are mowed down in the rush, you learn very quickly when waiting for a lift stand off to one side.

Just off to the talk by ex copper Bob Ferris he is quite humorous very 80s and reinforces all your ideas of police from that time, slightly more law abiding than the people they were catching but only just, has some very funny stories many at his own expense.

Not a lot of characters on this cruise a bit like gods waiting room some people are a bit bland the most adventurous decision they will make is to pick meat or fish from the menu. Must have struck really lucky on my previous cruises, and been spoilt for choice & characters. Just spotted an old boy wearing a Popeye the Sailor type cap or it could be a very large Jewish skull cap, excuse me I am off to investigate. Will report back later.

Things that go bump in the night

Well here we are in the sunny Azores, Punta del Garda to be precise, the Captain made a midnight dash to get into port before a particularly nasty weather front came in a prevented us from docking at our original time of 7am as yet no signs of this evil threat. Personally I think it was "boys and their toys syndrome" just an excuse to see what she could do flat out and beat the school record. Fast asleep in your cabin off in the land of fantasy and suddenly the Bing Bong of a ship wide announcement at 3-15am goes to every cabin and public area on ship this  goes out to raise you from your sleep. "alpha bravo deck D cabin 123 (made up) all report" now for those more observant among you might remember we have had a fairly rough crossing up to now, this is just what the more nervous traveller needs to hear at that time of the morning. Any bets how many got back to sleep and if they did dreamt about the Costa Concordia and the Titanic having a head on collision. Nobody is saying what happened but based on previous cruises it was a call for the "Crash Team" and a difribrillator for a cardiac incident, I am quite surprised it did not lead to multiple cardiac events. I was disappointed that no one was wearing their life jacket for breakfast. Now for a trip a shore and a beer at a well appointed bar and some people watching. I shall report back later.

So it starts

This has been a strange trip so far, because of roadworks in and around the Southampton area causing major traffic delays there was not the usual queuing to register, go through security and get on board ship. Although it was appreciated I was robbed of the opportunity of studying my fellow passengers under pressure, those that have low tolerance thresholds, in short the characters that populate my blogs, it just means more cups of latte in "Costa" and observe the rich tapestry life that passes by the heart of the ship. This time I have dinner companions, they have put a table of single travellers together, from conversations so far I am the youngest,a callow youth of 63 summers!!
We have, three charming sisters from Penarth in Wales, a spiritely 84 year old from Manchester, a guy from Shropshire, a lady from Basingstoke and a gentleman called Barry, I secretly wished he was connected with the Welsh ladies as he could of become Garry from Barry.
It is a cruise where average age is mid 70s at a guess and it is noticeable how many blokes have got Jeremy Clarkson itis, inappropriate wearing of jeans with saggy bums and silly tops, perhaps they are determined to grow old disgracefully, if that is the reason and not a fashion statement I am all for it.
I was lucky enough to have a cabin upgrade bestowed on me I went from D deck up to A deck, as an ex work colleague observed next stop the crows nest!! The upgrade does come at a price apparently I am on iceberg watch every other night 11pm -1-00am.
As always the staff are unbelievably happy, I think they must put something in the food, and as the cruise proceeds hopefully some of that attitude will rub off on some of the passengers. It might be in short supply over the next couple of days as the weather forecast for mid Atlantic does not look good with a lot of low depressions forecast and high swells given as the sea state. I will strap myself into a bar stool to ride out the storms and I should have some fodder for the blog as a result. Just as I finish this blog the rain has started lashing down and you can't see 20 yards and the foghorn has just started to cut in, time to head for the bar, happy days.