Azores behind

We have left the Azores and are off again it is still pretty rough and 4 days until Antigua it's like watching the "Ministry of Silly Walks" & beginners Rumba lessons rolled into one, my self included. The funniest crowd participation game is to be in a lift and when it gets to your floor the door opens the ship lurches and everyone goes out at a 100 miles an hour like extras in the parachute drop over Arnhem in a Bridge too Far, woe betide anyone waiting to get on the lift they are mowed down in the rush, you learn very quickly when waiting for a lift stand off to one side.

Just off to the talk by ex copper Bob Ferris he is quite humorous very 80s and reinforces all your ideas of police from that time, slightly more law abiding than the people they were catching but only just, has some very funny stories many at his own expense.

Not a lot of characters on this cruise a bit like gods waiting room some people are a bit bland the most adventurous decision they will make is to pick meat or fish from the menu. Must have struck really lucky on my previous cruises, and been spoilt for choice & characters. Just spotted an old boy wearing a Popeye the Sailor type cap or it could be a very large Jewish skull cap, excuse me I am off to investigate. Will report back later.

Things that go bump in the night

Well here we are in the sunny Azores, Punta del Garda to be precise, the Captain made a midnight dash to get into port before a particularly nasty weather front came in a prevented us from docking at our original time of 7am as yet no signs of this evil threat. Personally I think it was "boys and their toys syndrome" just an excuse to see what she could do flat out and beat the school record. Fast asleep in your cabin off in the land of fantasy and suddenly the Bing Bong of a ship wide announcement at 3-15am goes to every cabin and public area on ship this  goes out to raise you from your sleep. "alpha bravo deck D cabin 123 (made up) all report" now for those more observant among you might remember we have had a fairly rough crossing up to now, this is just what the more nervous traveller needs to hear at that time of the morning. Any bets how many got back to sleep and if they did dreamt about the Costa Concordia and the Titanic having a head on collision. Nobody is saying what happened but based on previous cruises it was a call for the "Crash Team" and a difribrillator for a cardiac incident, I am quite surprised it did not lead to multiple cardiac events. I was disappointed that no one was wearing their life jacket for breakfast. Now for a trip a shore and a beer at a well appointed bar and some people watching. I shall report back later.

So it starts

This has been a strange trip so far, because of roadworks in and around the Southampton area causing major traffic delays there was not the usual queuing to register, go through security and get on board ship. Although it was appreciated I was robbed of the opportunity of studying my fellow passengers under pressure, those that have low tolerance thresholds, in short the characters that populate my blogs, it just means more cups of latte in "Costa" and observe the rich tapestry life that passes by the heart of the ship. This time I have dinner companions, they have put a table of single travellers together, from conversations so far I am the youngest,a callow youth of 63 summers!!
We have, three charming sisters from Penarth in Wales, a spiritely 84 year old from Manchester, a guy from Shropshire, a lady from Basingstoke and a gentleman called Barry, I secretly wished he was connected with the Welsh ladies as he could of become Garry from Barry.
It is a cruise where average age is mid 70s at a guess and it is noticeable how many blokes have got Jeremy Clarkson itis, inappropriate wearing of jeans with saggy bums and silly tops, perhaps they are determined to grow old disgracefully, if that is the reason and not a fashion statement I am all for it.
I was lucky enough to have a cabin upgrade bestowed on me I went from D deck up to A deck, as an ex work colleague observed next stop the crows nest!! The upgrade does come at a price apparently I am on iceberg watch every other night 11pm -1-00am.
As always the staff are unbelievably happy, I think they must put something in the food, and as the cruise proceeds hopefully some of that attitude will rub off on some of the passengers. It might be in short supply over the next couple of days as the weather forecast for mid Atlantic does not look good with a lot of low depressions forecast and high swells given as the sea state. I will strap myself into a bar stool to ride out the storms and I should have some fodder for the blog as a result. Just as I finish this blog the rain has started lashing down and you can't see 20 yards and the foghorn has just started to cut in, time to head for the bar, happy days.

And another thing

I know I promised there would probably not be any more entries but on the last night of the cruise something happened that really annoyed me. Our hard working waiting staff who have looked after us superbly, with humour, patience and skill not to mention long working hours for a small return rely on diners to show their appreciation for all their efforts by marking that thanks with a tip of some description be it large or small whatever a person can manage, most of that money is dispatched back home to the family who that have not seen for up to 9 months (The average length of a contact). Lukas & Rackman had looked after us manfully becoming use to every ones little foibles, getting an extra bowl of ice cream for someone, making sure someone got a double starter, producing something that was not on the menu, the list of their kindness to passengers goes on and on. Roma our beautiful wine waitress who made sure your glass was never empty always had a smile and gave good advice on value for money, and was so excited because her contracted was over when she reached Southampton and was going home to Manila for 3 months to see her children.
Imagine my disgust when 4 people avoided eating in the restaurant that they had attended for the past 22 nights just to avoid having to give someone a tip, in my book is lower than low. Personally I would have found which cabin they were in and made sure their baggage had an accident while being unloaded, but that is not in the nature of these people they just shrugged and said "It happens" and got on with the job. Well it left me with a very sour taste and made me angry that those with so much in comparison go to such lengths to avoid just saying thank you for all that you have done for me. These people will probably never read this blog but I hold you in contempt for your meanness of spirit and deed.

Signing Off

This will probably be the last blog entry for this trip unless something of real interest occurs over the next day and a half. This trip has thrown up some of the most interesting ports I have ever visited I suppose that the English visitor is at an advantage visiting the US and Canada, we share a common language, often murdered, strangled and defiled but the basics remain the same and to a certain degree that knowledge is reinforced by television and film we know a lot of the places and people, a lot are preconceptions that get broken down and proved incorrect. One thing cannot be doubted that away from the mega cities the friendliness of the welcome you are given by local people and the way they will go out of their way to help, coupled to a fierce sense of Civic pride that they have, something that perhaps we have not lost but is certainly on the wane. It might appear that I am on a ship that is filled with odd balls, well only a few and a lot of the times I spot them they are only momentary lapses or slips made by ordinary people, with a few definite exceptions, you know who you are. As we get closer to home and the temperature continues to drop and the wind increases one thing does mystify me, the British males need to wear shorts of varying length, some bordering on the pornographic, others look like they have been taken from a 1920s Boy Scout, both these styles are worn with open toe sandals AND SOCKS pulled up just short of the knees, what is that all about? It would make more sense to put more layers of clothes on rather than peel them off as some of the Ladies choose to put smaller and smaller white tops on to reveal the depth of tan they have managed to acquire during the cruise, judging by some of the used leather skin tones on display many have tanning machines at home that get many hours of use. The other thing that comes to mind is that a cruise by its very definition is not a holiday of denial, the ability to graze 24 hours a day is possible and the area covered by some of the tans goes in no short measure to reinforce this fact. I have met some really charming people on this Cruise special mention must go to Pauline & Ken also from the West Country, we are fortunate enough to have similar senses of humour and most days swop tales of quirkiness we have spotted, they have been top company. Also with my IT support head on my ladies & gents I have been able to help or confuse have been good fun and great to chat to in my office in Costa Coffee ( Have you tried switching it on & off?) As I head off to Southampton successfully avoiding the icebergs, Noro Virus, Seasickness a fall or a stumble I have had a great trip, my last thought as always is I wish Barb's could have shared it.

Up and Down. Down and Up

Only 1,863 miles to home so the bridge inform us at noon, with the little nugget thrown in that during the night we passed within a 100 miles of the Titanic's last resting place. Oh well heave  ho and up she rises, we hit a choppy bit of sea overnight that has steadily increased overnight and has got people hanging on to handrails ready for that extra special bronco buck that comes along every 2-3 minutes, the waiters scurry around as if they have Velcro on their shoes. I have positioned myself at the top of the stairs leading up from the Atrium in the Costa Coffee shop partaking of a large Latte and watching the impromptu cabaret of the staircase two step, does this make me a sadist or a masochist? The best comment heard so far today a Lady on crutches accompanied by her husband approached the head of the stairs and he stopped her from going down, how thoughtful I thought concerned for her safety only for that to be blown away by his next statement " there's shops down there". Yesterday before our current rough spell it was a pleasant day that brought out the sun bathers  and swimmers, I watched this striking guy who is not unlike Matt Lucas in appearance (Little Britain) having a very loud shouted conversation with a  barman before stomping off and jumping into a hot tub spa, imagine my surprise when later at the formal dressed dinner, I saw the same chap dressed to the nines riding into the Medina dinning room on a mobility scooter, perhaps it is Andy from "Little Britain" or who he was modelled on, should I ask for his autograph or X. Some people are very difficult to please the table behind me in the dinning room have provided unwitting entertainment and frustration for me the whole cruise and one of the reasons I have not minded dinning alone. Last nights conversation was a classic, ranging from can't wait to pull into the first Motorway Services area on the way home to have egg and chips, to in case it's cold upon their return the Winter Duvet. Electric Blanket and emergency hot water bottle are strategically placed for ease of access in the airing cupboard. Other topics for complaint have included, compulsory tipping, to few chips on the plate, how slow the lifts are, staff are to familiar with passengers, quality or lack of it with the toilet paper, the extra sanitary precautions taken during the Noro Virus outbreak, the standard of people taking cruises has declined the list goes on, if ignorance is bliss these 4 people are in paradise. Tonight I am invited to a drinks party for previous P &O cruisers, that will offer a rich vein of potential observations and a chance of a free few drinkie poos before dinner, as the drink flows watch the the defences and accents drop. I will do my best to uphold the proud traditions of Wiltshire, oh arr me dear.

We are Sailing

All good things come to an end and we are just about to leave our final port of call Charlotte's Town on Prince Edward Island the setting for the series of novels, Anne of Green Gables, I remember the books being dramatised by the BBC on Sunday tea times in the 1960s with the beautiful ginger haired Kim Braden ( Bernard Braden's daughter) playing Anne who I had a school boy crush on. Other than that cocktail party stopping fact not a lot else happens here in fact it is very rural, tranquil and serene, we have gone a full 360 degrees from our opening port of call New York City. So as we say goodbye to dry land for the next seven days and get ready for the dash across the North Atlantic (back on iceberg watch) you can see everyone offering up silent prayers for good weather and a smooth crossing. First we have to endure that old cruising custom of the "Sailaway" where everyone is supposed to go out on the open decks and sing songs as you pull out of port waving your little union jack flags provided by P&O for the assembled passengers at the crowds on the quay ( Usually 3 hairy arsed stevedores who have just cast off the tethering lines and the local anorak cruise ship spotter) while singing Rule Britannia & Land of Hope and Glory, while little old Ladies go misty eyed as they remember waving the boys off to the Boer War just like this except we sang Goodbye Dolly Grey and I was a young flipitty jibbet back then young man. The DJ is working up the crowd up to a jingoistic fervour that makes you all want to vote UKIP and thoroughly thrash Johhny Foreigner and invade a small country. P&O promote unashamedly these events at every port we leave because you can't have a Sailway without having Champagne or Preseco  in hand to celebrate, with the Booze going at £3.00 a glass and the event lasting 30-45 minutes depending on weather, fervour and visibility it's really good business, now you either enjoy it or find it totally toe curling. Speaking as a company shareholder pass me my song sheet, can we top you up madam?