IPad tales

Well a few days into the cruise and everyone is settling down into their routines. One pitfall is to be spotted using an IPad by the blue rinse brigade who have been given them as pressies by their sons & daughters to keep in contact and so you can show us al, your pictures when you get home. First problem is the ones who use a stylus to tap the screen instead of using the finger, they fall into two categories, thump it so hard it nearly comes out the other side of the tablet or they give it a butterfly kiss and nothing happens. Once shown that the digit is the best way of going we move on to taking a photo, as the lense is incorporated in the frame trying to stop the Ladies taking numerous shots of their finger, the ceiling, the floor and in one case themselves by holding it wrong way round takes the best part of the morning. By now we are gathering an audience with some elderly gentlemen who have been proud owners for all of six weeks suggesting other ways of doing the task and thereby complicating the task further. At this point I can start to see a way out by doing an on board dating service getting people paired off and making my exit before we get onto the thorny issue of WI-Fi and sending emails, I make my excuse about an irregular bowel movement and head for the hills. I can safely head for a bar knowing I have done my bit for help the aged. I would like to give you a report about my dinning companions but the head waiter came to inform me last night that there was nobody else at my table, so there I am dressed in the Penguin suit just come from the Captains welcome party "Billy no Mates". He did give me the offer to join a larger table but I declined for the moment and agreed to reassess in a few days. As I looked around the dinning room I was struck with how many incomplete tables there were, in my immediate area a table for 4 with 2 people a table of 8 with 6 and towards the back of the restaurant a few completely empty, either a few have dropped off the perch, jumped overboard or the cruise is greatly undersold, if I get asked many more IPad questions I could be joining the band of the missing passengers.