Up the Pole

Today we are making our way to the Lofotten Islands which lay inside the Arctic Circle this gave me the idea of mounting an expedition to rival that of Robert Falcon Scott's heroic but flawed effort to reach the North Pole. The "Oceana" polar plod would triumph because one of Scott's flaws was to use ponies instead of Huskies like the successful Amundsen expedition, whilst watching people struggle around the ship last nigh during turbulent seas,I was struck how little difficulty motorised and push wheelchairs had, throw in the odd Zimmerman frame and I believe we have transport sorted. It would be necessary to locate some specialist tyre changers and puncture repair people who could double up as "Mushers" to keep individual drivers focused on the target. I believe we could secure enough supplies from the daily vast left overs from the Continental Buffett, need to work out the calorific value of Croissants. Specialist cold weather clothing could be obtained from the onboard P&O boutique which is carrying its latest Caribbean collection, which have a tog value of 14, the beach towels supplied could be crafted into snow shoes by the onboard craft classes, the material that the towels are made from is one of the hardest materials known and would be absolutely non slip. The library has a fine copy of the News of the World Atlas 1982 edition so that's navigation taken care of. There is a magician on board doing cabaret, I have not yet seen his show but if he is any good he must have some doves tucked away that we could use for communication or emergency food. I think I will make Andersons bar the expedition HQ where I can base myself as the intrepid explorers set off with the pre paid mobile with 50p credit left on it, it is better class than the Lords Tavern and they do serve draft Stella. I hope that this endeavour will succeed but prepare myself for a negative outcome and prepare to become a UKIP candidate at the next election. Nurse I'll have my medication now.