Periscope Up, with Ice in your drink.

Arrived in Sydney, Nova Scotia early hours of the morning, we are moored about a mile from the Cruise Terminal, the rain is lashing down, the bay is quite choppy and we are due to tender to the Terminal. Watched the first couple of boats leave the protection of the ship and go to open water and the Alton Tower white knuckle rides have started at no extra charge, which is very unusual for P&O as they make a charge to your onboard account at every opportunity. Debating if I should go as I eat something that did not agree with my nether regions last night and don't want to be to far away from a Loo at the moment. I don't think my fellow tender passengers would too impressed if I had to hang the offending part of the body over the side, at least with the ways the waves are lapping up it would have a bidet effect. I think the sensible thing to do would be some toast, water, a couple more tablets, some go faster trainers and a clear line of sight to the Loo. Other than that I am feeling fine, unlike some of the early returners from shore who are looking decidedly green around the gills after their rock n roll adventure ride. There problem looks like being the opposite end to mine, I think a quiet corner a fully charged iPad and an afternoon of Terry Prachett and some surreptitious people watching. This evening we weigh anchor (notice how I am slipping into this maritime vernacular my hearties) and start our run across the Atlantic on The Great Circle Route, where we pass within fifty miles of the last resting place of the ill fêted Titanic. As a precaution I have been enlisted for iceberg watch from Midnight to Two am just to be on the safe side. Some of the more senior Passengers who went through "The Last Lot" are determined that we should have a U-Boat spotting detail as they think the Boche could be active after the Brexit vote, who knows, signing off for now Paul Charlwood, lifeboat number 12, wearing life jacket.

Transport into Sydney

Sydney by the Sea

Just like Home

Day two in Quebec, new Captain, Ashley Cook, new seaweed, same problem inaccurate seaweed forecast, but are we downhearted, of course not, we are Brits on holiday we are used to it and made of sterner stuff, have we not voted for Brexit. Overnight we have had thick fog, the kind that the Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town used to operate under. This has now given way to rain, the kind that has even grounded the seagulls. After taking my breakfast alfresco on the blunt end of the ship in the area that the smokers call home, I have seen and heard some marvellous banter. Why is it the male habit when it is raining and they first emerge into the open air and confirm it is raining that they feel the need to start a tuneless whistle? It's like Dad's doing the getting onto the dance floor dance. The female of the species is determined "to make the best of a bad job" they still insist in wearing shorts, white strapless top, open toed sandals, all topped off by a see through pac a Mac and clear "shower cap" it's the Daisy Duke meets Ena Sharples look. It also brings out those stock phrases " We have paid for it so enjoy it" "Worse things happen at sea" and my personal favourite that I heard my wife Barbara admonish many a person, including me, who hacked her off "Act your age, not your shoe size". So as people descend the gangway that has been christened the "Cresta Run" disappearing into the gloom, wind and cold of down town of Quebec I salute your indomitable spirit following in the footsteps of Captain Oates, hopefully not with the same outcome. I feel the urge to put on my shorts, muscle vest, argyle socks and flip flops, but then again NAH, Costa, a comfy chair and a skinny latte sound preferable. Give Captain Ash's seaweed a chance, it might perk up this afternoon.

The view from our berth in Quebec

Our transfer into town (The Partridge Family)

Ready to go

The warmest place on board.

Rain Clouds gather, again

Blowing in the Wind

Heading up the St Lawrence seaway heading for Quebec, seeing lots more shipping, smaller costal trade, that we keep passing, Captain Ludo and his mystic seaweed weather predicted is getting off here and we get a new Captain, we seem to be bombing along, either Ludo has an early flight. Docked in Quebec Marina, gang plank isn't down yet and the crowds are already gathering to get off. The steepness of the gang way is causing major problems for people in wheelchairs, with walking frame, sticks and general mobility problems, having a coffee in Costa onboard and watching with some trepidation as they take the first few chairs down forward, which is downright terrifying for the person in the chair and dangerous in the extreme, luckily no accidents and someone has changed the way they are doing it and not putting too many chairs down at once, there are going to be some sore backs in the morning. It all has to be done again tomorrow, hope fully the Port Authority will have better arrangements for tomorrow. On more light hearted subjects, I have not spotted too many good syrups this time, (Syrup of Figs = Wigs) one bloke does have a corker that looks like two Yorkies mating. This morning with a healthy breeze blowing across the deck, it took me ages to finish my toast for breakfast as I was fascinated by the bloke in front of me who was having a loosing battle trying to keep his Bobby Charlton combover in place, I find things like this hypnotic, I know it is rude to stare but it is almost magnetic. Talking of magnets just got key card number eight for my cabin door.

Bunny & Rosey

That Bobby Charlton Moment

My Haven. Costa Coffee

Approaching Quebec via the St Lawrence Seaway

I'm Bored

Today is a sea day, we are heading for Quebec, it's quite nice to have a quiet day after all the ports back to back. People often ask me "Don't you get board well you are at sea" well I personally enjoy these days as there is always a full programme of events to suit all tastes, here is a brief run down on what is on offer today Sunday 25th September.7am Early morning stretch, 7.30 Fab Abs, 8am Pathway to Yoga, 9am Art Class, 9am Short Tennis, 9 am Spin Class, 9.15am Zumba, 9.30 am Travelling Alone coffee morning and chat, 10am Interdenominational Church Service, 10am Get inspired Photographing at Sea, 10.15 Line Dancing for Beginners, 10.15 Morning Trivia, 10.15 Quoits competition, 10.15 Shuffle Board competition, 10.30 Arthritis & Back Pain Lecture, 11 am Ice Carving Demonstration, 11 am Detox for Health, 11.15am Guest Speaker Diane James, who killed the Princes in the Tower, 11.15 am Beginners Dance Classes, 11.15 am Battle of the Sexes Quiz,  11.15 am Piano Bar melodies. 11.30 am Table Tennis Competition, Noon Premier League Football live, 12.15pm Art Lecture Seascapes, 12.15 pm Ladies Pamper Party, 12.30 pm Roulette Tournament, 1.15 pm Progressive Quiz, 1.15pm Arcadia Vocalist, passengers form a choir under professional direction, 1.30 pm Duplicate Bridge, 2 pm Port Talk Sydney Nova Scotia, 2pm Crib Tournament, 2pm Whist Drive, 2pm BackPain Relief, 2.15, Craft Corner with Lauren, 2.15pm Art Therapy, 2.30pm Shuffleboard Competition, 2.30 pm Quoits Competition, 2.30 pm Improvers Dance Class,3pm Perfect Match duo music in the Rising Sun, 3.15 pm Guest Speaker Captain David Greenaway of the Queens Flight, 3.15 Salsa Step Class, 3.30pm 60s and 70s Trivia, 3.30 pm Table Tennis Competitions, 4pm Art Class, 4 pm Tap Classes, 4pm Social Tennis, 4 pm Pure Form Pilates, 4.15 pm Snowball Jackpot Bingo, 5.15 pm Build a Boat on a Boat, 5.30 pm Individual Quiz, 5.30 pmClassical Concert with Trovatori, 5.30 pm Total Body Conditioning, 6 pm Francis Canning pianist/vocalist in the Crows Nest, 6 pm Black Tie photograph portraits, 6.15 pm Kyla Brown singer/vocalist Spinaker Bar, 7.30 The story of Jazz The Crows Nest, 8pm Dave Peterson piano bar, 8.30 pm Reel to Reel full show songs from the films Headliners Theatre Company, Palladium Theatre. 9.15 Black Tie Ball, 9.30 Black Tie Portraits, 10.30 Reel to Reel in the Palladium Theatre, 10.30 Syndicate Quiz, 10.30 pm Perfect Match Trio music in TheRising Sun, Midnight Music for the here and now till Late. All this interspersed with 24 hour food. Of course there is nothing to do on sea days!!!!!!!!!! 

Arcadia Cinema

Diane James. Speaker Author.

 The Daily Horizon whats on paper delivered to your cabin every evening

The diet of Halifax

Well here we are in Halifax not a whippet, flat cap, black pudding or sign of Nora Batty, one or two of the older cruiser are confused and disappointed. The main topic of conversation when you put two or more Brits in a confined space such as a lift, invariably turns to the weather, it's much better than it was yesterday, at least it's stopped raining, it's dry but quite cold, the list goes on, personally as I retreat into the corner of the lift, the questions I would like answered, which one of you just farted? Who never had a shower this morning and smells of two day old sweat, or I wish this lift could travel faster. Out of the lift, I can now breathe again, down the gangway and fresh Canadian air fills the lungs. If anyone has been to Halifax before, you will know it is a massive working harbour that most of Canada's import and exports come through so depending how busy trade is you can be berthed quite a way from the Cruise Terminal as is our case, but luckily we have a free transit bus laid on, driven by Mike, it's almost like being back home the best you can get out of Mike is a guttural grunt to any question you ask, I find it quite refreshing after a diet of flashing pearly whites and "Have a nice day sir"  I decided not to go on an organised tour today and just have a mooch around Halifax and get a feel for the place, very ordinary, very practical a sort of matter of fact place, proud of its maritime history, where everyone gets on with the job in hand, not good people watching territory. I see quite a few people from the other ship in town Aida, even if you didn't know what country they were from, cashmere cardigans, over the shoulders, jet black slicked back hair, shoulder shrugging, great use of the hands to gesticulate and implore you guessed it in one they are from Barrow in Furness, no seriously no doubting they are Italians by looks or volume. Every shop no matter if it's a book shop, shoe shop, plumbing supplies seems to have a side line in selling original and 100% pure Maple Syrup, just what every, weight watcher, type 2 diabetic needs. I digress here to marvel at the age of technology I have just received a text to tell me my cat "Loulabella" has worms, probably not the purpose that Morse and Alexander Graham Bell had in mind for their great inventions, the question my house sitter and friend "Nunnsy" was asking what course of action should he take. I was tempted to text back "Go Fishing", but luckily my flat is a few doors away from the vets, so annual check up, booster injections, claws clipped and de-wormed in one session and she can take her angst out on "Nunnsy" I should still be in her good books when I get back. Well time to say goodbye and wish Halifax adieu, it will forever remind me of worms.

Halifax

Loulabella

The day that the rains came down

Today was the first leg of our Canadian adventure as we docked in the early morning at St Johns, New Brunswick, with a trolley car ride booked to the famous reversing falls in the Bay of Fundy, were the 27ft rise and fall in the tide makes the river that feeds into the Bay flow backwards. Unfortunately it has not stopped raining all day, it's dark, overcast and chucking it down with a vengeance, a typical English summers day during Wimbledon. As a result because conditions underfoot are a bit slippy, I have decided not to go ashore and anger the gods of gravity. As my sister will tell you if there is one matchstick within a 100 mile radius we will manage to find it and go "ass over apex" and do some form of damage to ourselves, the Charlwood's are blessed or cursed for being remarkably unmobile, and being stiff in the ass, thanks Mum & Dad for our inheritance. I am not the only one who has taken this course of action, the vast majority have, I write this at  5pm local just as we re about to sail away, the sail away party is cancelled and ironically tonight's dress code is tropical. Currently brass monkey weather. Hopefully it will clear as we sail overnight and tomorrow we visit Halifax, things can only get better.

You got what in the Pram?

Today we have arrived at our last American stop, Portland, Maine, which we re off on a sightseeing trip around the city, then off to the wonderfully named Kennebunkport, what wondrous sights await us, will this see the end of the ubiquitous "Have a nice Day" smile flashing rows of Osmond family white teeth?  As we clamber aboard our coach for the trip our guide Lin with an "I" introduces her self and introduced the driver Clyde, then she gave her first instruction to Clyde, "hang a right Clyde", Janet and I both started laughing, we immediately thought of Clyde the orangutang in the film "Every which way but loose" with Clint Eastwood. This was further compounded by Lin with an "I" telling us she was an Anglophile and adored the Royal family and especially the Queen's Corkies. I wondered why do you particularly like what I assumed were shoes? Janet in between laughing and crying explained to me she had said Corgis and she was a doggy person, bloody accents. As side note her dogs were in Doggy Day Care while she was out working and had a text to say they were doing great. So eventually we are heading off through all the various parts of the low rise city of Portland on our way to one of the oldest lighthouses in America built sometime in 1800 and frozen to death, a popular stoping point for all the excursions in this part of Maine. We see lots of Americans with stickers and name badges saying Hi I'm Mary Lou, Hi I'm Harold, you get the picture, I am not sure if this is an ice breaker to make friends or it's the annual outing for the baffled and bewildered either is possible, especially when I spot, Hi I'm Hank, wearing a ten gallon hat. After the customary photos and bladder evacuation or in some cases a quick change of Tenna Pads, it's onward to the holiday homes and marinas of the rich and famous, including a promontory with the summer home of ex president George Bush senior. it is noticeable in the Kennebunks (The collective name for the four Kenne's) that they are dressing everything up for the Halloween season, pumpkins everywhere, you can even get pumpkin flavoured ice cream, famous for its Lobster, you even get Lobster & Pumpkin for $19.95c, managed to resist those temptations. Strolling around the many little boutique novelty shops was interesting, especially one called "Second Chance" which as the name suggested was full of object-dart, including tatty old matchbox toys, well played with and battered no box at £20 -£25 a pop. Washboards, flat irons, the stuff that was in the garage and went in the skip or given to the jumble sale. One mans Rubbish as they say. Janet did get tempted with a Burberry coat, but did resist only to purchase gluten free Parmesan crisps and a very stylish white evening top st a knock down price, her excuse was this is the last American port, the dollars had to go. We both agreed Kennebunk was a cross between, Great Yarmouth and Rock in Cornwall, millionaires and paupers side by side. So back to the ship, but not before one or two more surprises, a gentleman pushing a designer pram, only to find the passengers were three Mini Yorkshire terriers, seeing the local horse and carriage ride, which reminded me of Hercules of Steptoe and Son fame, following back a Yellow School bus, which you must not overtake no matter what even if there is free road ahead. We only have to do battle with American security once more to get back on the Arcadia, then it's on to Canada. "Have a nice Day" 

Hank

Halloween preperations

Kennebunkport

Only in America

Hercules